This article by Philip Ranzhin is a very well written example of how to stop being an a**hole. I quote here only the conclusion - but the article is a must-read
This review I kicked off the article with? I didn’t send it. Instead I gave the guy a couple of comments and politely asked to fix a couple of things. No big deal if the code’s not good, I can fix it myself it I need to. But I can’t fix the psyche of a guy broken by dozens of harsh reviews.
My personality today isn’t my disease. It’s a disease of the whole industry, at least in Russia. Our mentality is predicated on the cult of power and superiority. And that’s what we need to fix: just stop being that. It’s quite easy, actually.
If we were being laughed at while young, it doesn’t mean you have to return the favor later on. The vicious cycle can easily be broken. Life becomes easier if you learn to lose arguments, if you can admit that another developer is more talented than you.
It’s an aikido-style move. I fool my internal toxic egomaniac, convince him that accepting your weaknesses is great, and it starts to be proud of what he’s done. And it doesn’t matter what taboos I break in the process if it makes me feel better.